Wednesday, 6 June 2012


There is considerable confusion in central London after Big Ben, the big daddy of all grandfather clocks stopped ticking for the last time when his timing device was stolen, for use in a dirty bomb, set to go off for the Olympic of  London 2012.Big Ben has been ticking and tocking since 1834, but has now been dismantled, and as a result is now completely unreliable, according to Boris Phecker the Lord Mayor of the Greater London Council. A spokesperson for the GLC said; Big Ben was taken out of action at 7 p.m. and his timing device  installed in a dirty bomb due to go off at the Olympics in London.

Several Londoners were visibly shaken and upset, when told sad news. One Cockney at Bow Bells said I set my watch to Big Ben," he said, "and I give the missus a right seeing to, as Ben bongs, I bong. I don't know how I will do her properly now without his help. I have tried viagra but nothing else works. One Irishman has offered his services but I'm not sure as he has been dickying around a good bit in the South China Sea, but I will be forced to try his services. "

A new timing device made in Hong Kong has been snubbed by a few Alf Garnetts from the east end. After more than 150 years, Big Ben's silence is causing considerable grief among Londoners. It is also causing much anxiety, as it has been predicted that a great misfortune and catastrophe will befall London, when Ben stops bonging. The famous bell having chimed for the last time, never be heard again and being used as a timer in a dirty bomb for the Olympics, has disgusted many Londoners..

The four faces will be converted into neon signs for McDonalds after the Olympics, to be transformed into one of their leading hamburger sites. It will help with our global recession"said a McDonald's spin doctor. "You guys and the clock, will be and important part of our worldwide campaign, to tighten belts into a leaner, meaner bugger after the Olympics and banking crisis. Big Benny revenue will be huge and will go some way towards paying for Olympic advertising", she said.

Five terrorists penetrated Benny from the roof. The five abseiled up the south clock face of Big Benny at midday, camouflaged as Irish builders  all wearing green uniforms. They then transferred the timing device to a massively large dirty bomb onto a waiting boat on the the Thames. Big Benny's bell sound will be replaced by alternating versions of Rockall on the hour, every second hour, all over London, including the houses of parliament,  both palaces Buckingham and MI6 on the Thames. Eventually just one of the Rockall  versions will be used to replace Big Benny, with Boris Phecker already campaigning against the Irish version.

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