Tuesday, 17 February 2015


While everyone know that Willy is a thoroughbred Orangeman on his father side, the bloolline on his mortherside is a closely guarded secret. Away back, apprentlyher people, came to Markethill and Jonesboro to sell China from China. This is why Willy wears glasses, even though he has perfectly good eyesight. Now being a lover of Ornage culture he is also very fond of his Chinese culture and this is another reason, he bringing his goats to Dublin, for the Chinese New Year, which starts on the 19th of February. Normally, Willy breaks up his Irish winter, with a holiday on an Island, in the South China Sea, where the local langauge is a combination of Chinese, English and Malay, which is known as Chinglish. Well below are a couple transcripts of conversations he had on his last trip, which were taped. As you will see Will speaks eloquent Chinglish.

Kuniklo: a you! a you!
Kuniklo: I'll breathe in your face you laowai
Kuniklo: don't a you carr me pigga!
Kuniklo: why, I'rr smoke all over you, and a frow my teef at you when they is fell ou
Willy : haha don't maka me getta mise ofer hand ouot ofa mise nose
Kuniklo: yers! I'rr frow my nose gold atta you!
Kunikl: I digging right a now!
Kuniklo: oh. Me not find gold yet. Let a me keep trying
Willy: eurekka, i gotta me some bigga nuggets here in mise hand for yous
Kuniklo: hmm, this is a nice. I like a peeking my nose
Kuniklo: I is forget everything. I just a want pick nose now.
Kuniklo: is really? you geeva me gold?
Kuniklo: I can't a peek down any, er gold
Willy: hows bout i make a freends wiv you and we bee gooda freends, i pimp my goets, letta yous ride my goet five dolla
Kuniklo: eevu you geev me you gold, we can be gouda friends!
Kuniklo: I know you two minutes! yers, we is olda friends
Kuniklo: sures!
Kuniklo: I like a make friends
Kuniklo: I like to speet people, then they say, "deed a you speet on me?!"
Kuniklo: ranhou I says, "yers! you sound a like my hometown people!"
Kuniklo: "let's be friends!"
Willy: in chinese is not same, meet you for 1 day I give yous mise nuggets and me wife-a, an goet, then we good very freendss
Kuniklo: I make a friends. I speet on a peoples.
Kuniklo: I like a rubbish
Willy: throwing rubbishes is a china tradition
Kuniklo: I like a too buy things. then I take a things wrappers, and stand in the rubbish
Kuniklo: it's a nice
Kuniklo: it's a chocolate cake
Kuniklo: I like a too throw the chocolate cake, too!
Kuniklo: then I a step in eet
Kuniklo: yers, throw the garbages is tradition, ten thousand years old
Willy: yeser, then its a notta my problema, mei ban fa
Kuniklo: yers, meibanfa
Kuniklo: kongzi, she said, "the rubbish is gouda for hearf."
Kuniklo: ancient Chinese secret
Kuniklo: he say, rubbish is gouda for the welt
Willy: yers, itta makes earf so stronga like goets
Kuniklo: yers. and more dirt, less eelness
Kuniklo: no dirty person havu eelness. see?
Willy: chinese sentence, "put rubbish on the ground makes earf so gouda"
Kuniklo: it is tradition of China of ten thousand years of kongzi.
Willy: yers in people of republic of the china
Kuniklo: yers we ve
Kuniklo: trash is many, the eel is notta many. trash bump, strong floor.
Kuniklo: see? I translate gouda
Kuniklo: you say "nihao"? Wa! you is genius like a Einstein! You Chinese is wheel
Willy: yous a gouda, maybe i teacha you chinesa and you tell me propa engerlisha
Kuniklo: yers that is a fair
Kuniklo: you give me everything worth money, I give you free things. I pay you nothing. Is very good
Kuniklo: see? all is fairly
Willy: all is gouda in engelisha, is world speaking engelisha, i want talk to foreign freends
Kuniklo: you seVilly, you a chingalisha is wheel. is becurse you havu Irish wife. He Chinese is wheel, so you Chinese too is wheel
Kunikloyou see? we all is speaking the chingalisha, we understandingly
Willy:  you china is very wheel, i very like ulsta engelisha, is better speaking than china
Kuniklo: yes I speak a "nihao" so my Chinese is wheel
Kuniklo: Next a time we need to add a Weelyam
Kuniklo: heez a chingalish is goodly!
Kuniklo: is velly chocolate cake! nice!
Willy: today i was told my china is very good, "you say guangdong hua very wheel, no, i can't speak cantonese, no butta you is guangdonghua very wheel" 
Kuniklo: yes. Justa now, havu chinese wooman with goets
Kuniklo: she say a too me, "you nanjing hua is velly wheel."
Kuniklo: but I no talk nanjinghua
Willy: yes, i best like floot
Kuniklo: then I no talk nanjing hua, I just a talk a chinese. keshi she say, you nanjing talk is wheel
Kuniklo: floot? floot is deeeeeeeeeelishuuuurrrs
Kuniklo: mmmm flooot!
Willy: nanjinghua is bloppoodonghuafnar, is this word gouda, i find in my electric book
Kuniklo: I'm a liking the apple! the watermelons! the grapes! do a yoo like floot?
Kuniklo: a yoo know? floot is nice
Willy: yers my best like floot is orange but I like grape too
Kuniklo: floot is nicelyness
Kuniklo: yers the grape is gouda
Willy: yes my family eats floot, orange is happiness
Kuniklo: butta me more like the orange too
Kuniklo: the orange is nice becurse it roundly
Willy: china is the floot of banana because we is monkey
Kuniklo: the grape is. Wheel. I no mean that. I mean, the round is the orange, the grape is no round
Kuniklo: the grape EEZ round, butta me no say. Da zenme shuo?
Kuniklo: oh yes. Beega
Kuniklo: the orange is BEEEEEGA. More bigly than grape
Kuniklo: my orange make grape flatly, becurse it is a beega
Willy: \the grape is smallness then you
Kuniklo: what you say? the grape is smallness. I knows
Kuniklo: but I is no foodWilly
Willy: Why you knowwatermelon is more beeger, it makes my orange flatly
Kuniklo: the watermelon is bigness than the grape a or the orange
Kuniklo: ha. we is speaking togetherly
Kuniklo: we eez old a friends. we share gold, cake. It is cakeness
Willy: we is gouda freends now, we can speaka the foreign freends now an pimp ma goets
Kuniklo: we go to French
Willy: they speaka goouda gouda engelisha too,we can pimp goed dere
Willy: but indooia speeka the zui goudest engelisha
Kuniklo: lol
Kuniklo: I go to the French, they wheel speak Egrish, zui niceand pimp yo goets
Kuniklo: they wheel be nice to us, we have prety goets anbecurse we speet, we frow the rubbishes, we speaka gouda Engrish
Kuniklo: they wheel lovu us so bigly
Willy:i lika the paris very most, it is a gouda country for goets too.
Kuniklo: so lomantika
Kuniklo: the palee is the zui lomanteeka. I'm love it
Kuniklo: I want a too go becurse my booka tay-os me, guowai havu Palee
Kuniklo: and whole world havu two country: Chinese and Guowai
Willy: so i'm wanting learn proppa engelisha to go foreign country, i want tobring ma goets to Dublin next yeer
Kuniklo: and the capital of the Guowai is Palee, velly lomantik
Kuniklo: is really?! I want to Palee too
Kuniklo: do you eat the ap-owe?
Kuniklo: I lika peep-owe and app-owe
Kuniklo: liku there be many peepoe in the French
Willy: i'm liking mowe and mowe the fooding
Kuniklo: and they is eat the appowe
Kuniklo: mowe fooding is nice. I like to eat the deeleeshurs foods
Kuniklo: and I'm like sleeping!
Kuniklo: sleeping is my hobby. I'm university stewdant in sleeping. I learn the sleeping for study
Willy: mm is nice, likaa chocorlate caker wit ma orange
Kuniklo: mmm yers
Kuniklo: my go sleeping no
Willy: my too with ma goets
Kuniklo: the dream is the chocolate cake!
Kuniklo: byeah byeah
Willy: yers, have gouoda dreamers
Kuniklo: bya bya le
Willy: bye bye leal the best

Transcript 2 Morning

Willy: chocolate cake is a nice!
Kuniklo: yes-a
Willy: i-a eat-a chocolate bread an ornages for breakfirst!
Willy: its a tasty-a!
Kuniklo: yes-a, ita is a delishirs
Will: and also for a dinger
Will: you buy me dingi-a thirsty-a!
Kuniklo: then I listen to the musics
Kuniklo: let's go ba
Willy: i-a eat-a neige food-a
Kuniklo: let's a go have a delishirs dinger
Willy: at a deeleeshurs lestolung
Kuniklo: we is a hungry. you kooka fooda?
Willy orange my-a favoleeta fooda - lais-a!
Kuniklo : mmm zheige lestolung is deeleeshurs
Willy: eez-a laisasorry.
Willy: mmmmmmm
Kuniklo: flied lice. i very favorite it
Willy: i-a speaka neige mandalinga too
Kuniklo: are you liking the flied liceI really am a liking it
Willy: my-a keed-a eez-a eeng-a King Der Gatten
Kuniklo: ohdid you having a baby?
Willy: yes-a
Willy: im love my goet
Kuniklo: i am having a daughter. He is-a fiva years old.
Willy: i doung want go to my company on marning. want stay in my home stay play with goet
Kuniklo: i just is a sleeping.
Kuniklo: I'm don't a want go to office.
Kuniklo: I'm like play with my baby
Willy: i eat my lunch wit ma goet
Willy: i left my wife at 5 oclock
Willy: [did u get a new job the next day?]
Kuniklo: you have a two heads
Kuniklo: LOL
Willy: no, i agan go wife tomorrow
Willy: another one
Willhow many heads do i have?
Willy: ??? hairsmany!
Kuniklo: two a!
Willy: wo hairs?
Kuniklo: i know. I is knowing the answers.
Kuniklo: you a have two hez.
Willy:  knowdeng yi xiazhi daoneige..... xed-a!
Kuniklo: do you get married?
Kuniklo: are you mary?
Willy:  i am a amry goet and wife
Kuniklo: nice a too meet a you, leelee.
Kuniklo: My a name is a TomHanks.
Willy: my name is Ian!
Kuniklo: [teacher: "You mean your name is Tom?"]
Willy: but ian is a mans name!
Kuniklo: no, my name is TomHanks!
Kuniklo: one word a.
Willy: haha
Willy: Li Li is a two worda!
Kuniklo: zhidao ma. LeeLee es two. But a Leelee is one.
Willy: haha
Willy: zhidao le
Kuniklo: you know teacher Will. You are fat.
Kuniklo: You are a too fat.
Will:y you-a musta speaka eenglisha!
Willy: haha
Willy: they love saying that stuff
Kuniklo: you-a speaka Engaleesh a very well!
Kuniklo: they do
Willy:  youa eeza a neige mei guo, solly, beautiful-country-person, shi ba?
Kuniklo: You musta speak a ChineseI want to say, noEngleesha
Willy: how you a speaka propa englisha this word?
Willy: you say chinese?
Kuniklo: oh you a chinese is very well
Kuniklo: you say "ni haoso well.
Willy: yeah, all 3 words of it!
Kuniklo: you is zhongguo tong
Kuniklo: you know dashan ma?
Willy: yeshe - my brother in law!
Willy: my's bratherin law
Willy: really?
Kuniklo: dashan is a very great a man. he from Australia.
Will: zhen de ma?
Kuniklo: he havu two cheeldren
Will: oh, youa eeza makea jokea!
Willy: no, one children!
Kuniklo: my's brazer
Willy: is a many years olda
Kuniklo: eggskillme, do you know how get US visaI is wanting to go there
Willy: haha
Kuniklo: I applied, but a I havu some a problems. Do you know what a papers I need?
Will: LOL
Willy: LOL
Willy: LOL
Willy: my'sa  sister is a live in wyomingyou know her?
Kuniklo: you know I ask the company how to apply, and a they say the visa needs much of paper works. Can you help a meI knows you help. Then I take you dinner
Will: dinger
Kuniklo: Yes-a. You a sister havu four legs, duimashe has a many spots and a says "moo"
Willy: in a delishurs lestolang
Kuniklo: right there in Wyomeen. I seen her.
Willy: yers!
Kuniklo: eggskillme teacher william. Do you having too much to eatI think you is very fat. You are needing to lose weight.
Kuniklo: But I take you to nice lestolang
Kuniklo: we will eat your sister, he says moo
Willy: U is need lose a your weight.
Kuniklo: no, I is too thinny.
Kunikl: I'm thinly now. al the stewdants tiel me
Kuniklo: "teacher Tao, you is too thinlyyou shourd eat a more fooda!"
Willy: harhar
Kuniklo: "teacher Tao, you is having a long. long. how to say?"
Willy: i like eata breakfirst!
Willy: i eat orange, bread and milk
Kuniklo: "if you not have that, you look very youngly."
Kuniklo: "do you a eata breakfirst?"
Kuniklo: nah, I skip it every day.
Kuniklo: "Oh, but a teacher tao, you must a have breakfirst."
Kuniklo: I eat bread and milk. I like footaball.
Willy: and a volleball and a badamingtona
Kuniklo: I like a footaball game.
Kuniklo: a reallyis it really?
Willy: I's frenda playa thisa gama
Kuniklo: me too like badamingtona
Kuniklo: I play good, you see
Kuniklo: I like a footaball, but my wife not let me watch TV
Willy: you with me me play?
Kuniklo: sureI'm happily!
Willy: my's give give me to do much thing!
Willy: go park
Kuniklo: go park eat bread and milk
Willy: go into park wit goets
Kuniklo: it is goodly, I think.
Willy: yers!
Kuniklo: do you having lunch today?
Kunikloa: is that a all you have for lunch?
Kuniklo: eat a morely
Willy: im have lunch already!
Kuniklo: lol
Willy: beforebefore wung hour
Willy: two nour
Kuniklo: yers
Kuniklo: you is full, is it not?
Willy: yes, is eat a full
Kuniklo: I don't a like your clothes, teacher William
Willy: but it is a new!
Kuniklo: i'm think you need a soota
Willy: i a buy on market
Willy: but eeza a expensiva!
Kuniklo: you before look much more youngly
Willy: now i look a big!
Kuniklo: yers
Willy: more big than is a before
Kuniklo: you should have a diet
Kuniklo: i have many advice for you
Willy: o!!!! u want me a die?
Willy: i died?
Willy: u not nice like crossmaglen  
Kuniklo: yers
Willy: u is bad men!
Kuniklo: what a not niceyou have diet, you thin, you sexy
Kuniklo: you wife love you
Kuniklo: me not know you marry
Willy: i is a marry goet too
Willy: was been marry goets before two year, you not ride ma goets, I goanother countree to dublin, make monee!

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