Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Israel tells Bush to phuk off..and Obama

It has been just revealed that the US will not attack the rogue state, which stands accused of developing it own nuclear weapons, in the Middle-east. During his recent whistle stop tour of the Middle-east, George Bush privately assured Israel, instead it will seek a "diplomatic solution" to the mounting crisis, which previously has seen the UN roundly condemn the country's government, for "fomenting international terrorism", "human rights abuses" "ethnic cleansing" and war crimes. George Bush has also condemned Israel for "failing to issue fast-food franchises, to US operators in accordance with current trade agreements".

Bush got straight down to assuring nervous world leaders, by conference call, that America had no intention whatsoever of using the big one, against Israel, despite its continuing contempt for international law.

"Hey, like, no way are we gonna go marching into Tel Aviv, guns blazing," quipped George. "Sure, it's a worry that they may have nuclear weapons, which are destablilising the whole region, but I reckon the way forward, is round the negotiating table. I mean sitting at the negotiating table, rather than walking round it. That would be stupid. No-one can have a proper discussion about nuclear weapons, while walking round and round the negotiating table."

Pressed by the UN as to how he thought any negotiations might go, Bush confided: "Well, like, we turn up and we say 'Listen, you just gotta lay off the nukes, the bulldozing of Palestinian real estate and the shooting kids and stuff' and then Ehud Olmert the Israeli Prime Minister replies 'Yeah, and what the fuc*k are you going to do about it, eh, just phuk off?' and then we move forward from there."
Suitably calmed by Bush's assurances, the UN and the assembled pimp hack pack, then pressed him as to how he was enjoying his Middle-east jaunt. "Wow, yeah, great," he enthused: "I can't wait to try your Bedouin baba ghanoush. You guys all eat baba ghanoush right? Yeah, great," he concluded, before quickly boarding a plane while shouting: "Get me to a McDonalds! Now, goddammit!.

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