Sunday, 29 March 2015


MP for Derry, Gregory Campbell asks British Junta in Occupied Ireland to Regulate the Sale of 'spirit boards'.

The DUP's Gregory Campbell was told by the Junta, after he had the cheek to ask them the question, that the MI5 Junta, will not regulate the sale of Ouija boards in Ocupied Ireland. Secret societies all over Ireland, were celebratring last night. Satanic Paedeophile rings from all over Belfast, to Kilkenny, to Birr Castle, to the Hellfire Club outside Dublin, engaged in secret orgies of Child Rape, to celebrate the occasion.The Orange Order had hundreds of goats, imported from Killorglin, for their bestial celebrations. The Catholic Church requisitioned thousands of altar boys, to celebrate the occasion. Sinn Fein also cracked open all of their safe houses for the occasion. Secret Societies were mushrooming all over Ireland last night, in secret seances with 'spirit boards' and Ouija boards. Irish Blog cannot reveal further details, due to new legislation being introduced by the Government in Ireland, that will jail journalists, who reveal or make public any details, particularly if the childrne are bought, from orphanages or industrial schools. Suffice it to say, there was considerable weeping and gnashing of kid's teeth, both human and goat, in every part of Ireland.

A DUP Spokesperson says: "Mr Campbell was asked about the issue by a constituent, and tabled the question on their behalf. He has passed on the reply to his constituent for their information." The constituent, who is believed to be a papist widow, with 20 young children(some of them twins and triplets)was traumatized by the news, was sedated with alternative medicine yesterday. However it hasn't worked, because she now fears being kneecapped or disappeared, for using the medicine. She is now said to be considering Jonathan Swift's Modest Proposal, of selling her children to be eaten, as a better alternative, to the bleak future she now fears is ahead, for her children, in the Occupied Territories of Ireland, which is facing the prospect of fierce Thatcherite cuts, adminstered by the Junta.

The Satanic boards are a piece of wood with letters, numbers and planchette, that indicate the spirit's message, by spelling it out during séances and satanic rituals, which include child rape and human sacrifice on special occasions. The Ouija boards are a source of great disturbance for God Fearing DUP Bible thumpers. The DUP Fuerher, Peter Robinson and his wife Iris, often talk of the a time when their home was haunted by Provo spirits, leading to the discovery of an Ouija board in their attic. The Fuerher's wife Iris, recalls an inexplicable incident which caused the couple to move a new home. It is also believed to have driven her into the arms of a toy boy for comfort, but she has moved on, after psychiatric counseling and now prefers women's company.

Iris said: "We were renting a house at Lenaghan, one of Belfast's quiet, residential areas. From the moment we moved in, I hated the place. I really can't explain the atmosphere but it was definitely eerie.I recall one time when I awoke to the sound of someone moving around downstairs. At first I just lay there listening. Then Peter wakened and, like me, he too heard the noise. We were certain there was an intruder." Mr Robinson further explained, "I assumed we had a burglar. I grabbed a stool and went to investigate. To my amazement, there was no one there. A few days later friends visited and they also heard noises. Yet, after searching the place, we discovered nothing. It was only when we were moving that we found things like Ouija boards in the attic. At some point the house had been a venue for occult practices. We were happy to leave." It is now believed to have been the headquarters, of the MI5 Pedophile Ring, of a notorius gang in Belfast. Gregory Campbell said he will not be 'dictated to or deflected' after receiving a death threats following his comments to the Junta, while Gerry Adams responded to Campbell's comments by issuing the order, "break these bastards."

PHUKET: The Phuket Gazette joins the rest of the island in extending its condolences to the family of young Scotsman Liam Colven, who died at a newly-opened shooting range in Thalang from a gunshot to the head last weekend (story here).

News of the death has resonated in the social media as the story touches on so many relevant issues here in Phuket, including the widely-perceived, yet statistically unproven, high incidence of foreigners who choose the island as a ‘last resort’ destination to end their lives.

Detailed accounts of what specifically led to Mr Colven’s death have yet to be revealed as this goes to press. By all accounts, it followed a heated telephone argument that sent him in search of a place ‘to shoot’ – a wish quickly and easily obliged to by a local taxi driver in Thalang, home to the island’s newest and growing number of tourist-oriented shooting ranges.

Reaction among older readers is almost unanimous in recognizing that the greatest tragedy is the young age at which Liam’s life ended: just 21. Many of us remember the intense emotions that engulfed us when we were of a similar age, when a broken heart or similar negative passion could feel so overwhelming as to make life itself seem no longer worth living.

Most of us who have lived through similar experiences see in hindsight that they ultimately make us stronger, more insightful and wiser in the long run, deepening our appreciation for this inconceivably precious gift of sentient existence – even if it comes at the stiff admission price of being aware of one’s mortality.

The issue of terminally-ill patients in chronic pain choosing to end their own lives, as well as to have such decisions respected and supported by society, are often understood, but the Gazette deeply laments deaths like this one among young people apparently acting on impulse alone.

As for the proliferation of tourist-oriented shooting ranges on the island, we hope this tragedy will at least prompt authorities to review their role in the island’s tourism industry. Do we really want island roads lined with huge billboards filled with graphic images promoting gun use?

Further, is it wise to allow such facilities on a tourist island that has at least once been linked to the ongoing insurgency in the Deep South, where more than 6,000 people have been killed over the past decade and the sight of soldiers carrying automatic assault rifles is all some school children have ever known?

We need to carefully consider how well these shooting ranges really mesh with the oft-stated goal of attracting ‘quality tourists’, as well as the wider safety ramifications of handing over firearms and ammunition to each and every tourist who asks for them, no questions asked.

After all, in this day and age, it is far from inconceivable that the next tragedy could involve a customer turning his rented weapon on fellow shooters, with even more horrific results.

This article first appeared in the March 28 – April 3 issue of the hard-copy Phuket Gazette newspaper

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