Sunday, 18 January 2015

FREEZE SPEECH BYJASUIS






Last night there was a big Ecumenical bonfire, lit on the border of Tyrone, in Ireland, with coal from Coalisland, astroturf from the Omagh and Cookstown 1916 societies, which was further fuelled by diesel from south Armagh, and wooden pallets from east Belfast, There was a couple of stolen sheep from the mountains of Mourne and a goat from Ballymena brought along, with some spuds from Carrickmore, to provide sustenance for the revellers. Some of the people's whiskey of Fermanagh and some dope from Derry were also brought over. The occasion was called to celebrate the Declaration of War on Free Speech by Obama and Cameron in Washington the previous day, after the Charlie Hebdo operation in Paris.






The enclave was attended well enough, with a couple of Papal Nuncios, representatives of the Free Presbyterian Church, the Orange Order, the Blueshirts and the Fleggers, all in attendance. There was a multitude of dissident women there too, from numerous paramilitary groups also there, all wearing balaclavas, so they couldn't be identified. The Apprentice bhoys and the Altar bhoys were also in attendance. Dirty Marty and the informer Kelly from Belfast were also in attendance, along with some of the Murphys from South Armagh and old IRA bouncers from Belfast. Iris was also there with her latest toy boy. Anyway, the convention started off civil enough, but as the night wore on and with the effects of the people's whiskey and the dope, voices began to rise among the various enclaves, gathered around the bonfire. Eventually the Xpensive Quill was called on, to deliver a speech, and was aided by one of his adjutants from Tyrone, to stagger on top of a few Shankill pallets, while supported as best as possible for his cupla focal, which went something along the following lines.


"Kamerads, we are gather to celebrate this wunderbar occasion, to Freeze Speech and I have brought along Irish literature, that I want you all to burn here tonight with me, as a token of your commitment to Censorship in Ireland. Included are the Irish Times, the Journal, the Irish News, the Belfast Newsletter, the Bible and a print out edition of Irish Blog" At which point he was interrupted by Iris, who stood up and screamed blasphemy of her Holy Bible, who shouted, "Let’s stop this, can you think of anything more vile than man and man or woman and woman and sexually abusing children? What I say I base on biblical pronouncements, based on God’s word. I am amazed that people are surprised when I quote from scriptures. It shows the churches either aren’t preaching God’s word or are watering it down. Now the Xpensive wants to censor it. I cannot think of anything more sickening than a child being abuse, as she ordered her toy boy to hit him a slap, which he duly did and flattened him. The Apprentice Bhoys then demanded that south Armagh Willie, make a speech, who appeared a little dopey from inhaling the smoke around the bonfire. Anyway Willie got up on top of the Shankill pallets, trampling on the Xpensive in the process. Willie's rant went along the following lines.


"Brethren, this indeed is as glorious as any twelfth of July bonfire. I have brought along my darling goat, which is of the same bloodline, that my father's, father's, father's, father wore out, for entertainment for my Flegger bhoys, an effigy of the Pope, a tricolour and photos of these murdering scum from over there, pointing towards, Crossmaglen, at which point the Murphys and a dozen of their cult members, battered poor Willie, with their hurleys, until the dissident women pulled them off him and fought off the fleggers, which eventually became woman to woman and man to man stuff, while poor Willie moaned, 'No Surender.' It was then proposed by the 1916 societies, to censor all further speeches or debate and that everyone was ordered to throw a sod of astroturf on the fire instead, as a token of their solidarity with Freeeze Speech. The Girr and Geogh, ordered every Irish book, since the foundation of the Freeze State, be burned immediately. The Papal nuncio nodded his head in approval, as several large crates of censored Irish literature were produced, which included the publications, still censored. These included Monty Python’s Life of Brian, Baise-moi, A Clockwork Orange, Ulysses by James Joyce, Borstal Boy by Brendan Behan, George Orwell, Edna O'Brien, ad infinitum...mostly all from the Freeze State, with some more from the Orange Scum state, both created after the 1916 rising, by Sinn Fein, along with the Blueshirts  and the help of the British thereafter.


Well after the book burning, the Apprentice Bhoys gave a rousing rendition of Croppies Lie Down, Kick the Pope, while they battered their big Lambeg Drums, as the took turns to ride Willie's goat around the bonfire.The conclaves of the astroturf 1916 rising, kept piling on the astroturf, as they sang seven drunken nights, while the liberated, dissident women, sneaked into the darkness in pairs, with their arms wrapped around each other, from which could be heard moans, groans and screams of Tiocfaidh Ar Oiche. The Murphy's started another row with the Fleggers and battered them with their hurleys. Willie kept on muttering about diesel and cigarettes, while yelling, 'mind me goat', until he was censored by Dirty Marty, who then had to rush off, to catch a plane to London to lick the Queen, while Kelly was on the phone to MI5, MI6, the PSNI, the Guards, Dads Army, the British Army and anyone who would listen to him, who had set up a buffer zone around the bonfire, to protect it from any Irish Freedom Fighters, who did not approve of censorship. The old IRA were also on the phone in large numbers, complaining to Facebook, to censor Irish Blog and in particular the Petition on the Care2 News Network, to bring Britain to the International Criminal Court, for the genocide of six million Irish in the Holocaust.


Well as the night wore on, the Papal Nuncios and the Altar bhoys, drifted into the darkness too, where cries of pain and pleasure now filled the air, as the Orange Order along with their Apprentice bhoys and the goat joined them. Eventually everyone left was drunk, except the remaining dissident women, who were looking at the stars, through the smoke filled air, with only their balaclavas on, as Iris and her toy boy joined them, for a truly ecumenical conclave of orgiastic, feminine delight, something along the lines of the liberated Sile na Gigs, undercover in Irish museums. Eventually the 1916 societies, ran out of astroturf and whiskey, deciding to have a final session, with a Clar, in which the first item on the agenda, was another split, followed by the second item, which included, the burning and censoring of the Proclamation, to be replaced by a revised document, that included devomax, a welfare state, their election manifesto and the stoning of Irish Blog, for being a blasphemer, all of which, was to be expedited, when everyone sobered up and were detoxed.


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