DR STRANGELOVE CRAICS SHANNON AIRPORT

Business is bloody bad, said one Wall Street investor, and the Industrial War Complex is the only place in the US and the City of London, where we can now make money, said another British banker, who requested anonymity.They also said that Kennedy and the U.S. was wrong, not to have gone to nuclear war with Russia, during the Cuban Missile Crises.


"JFK should have nuked Russia. It would have been interesting to see who would have survived. The World is over populated We should listen to the generals, who advocate a first strike," said another, who also requested anonymity.


They continued, saying, that Russia has a hypersonic missile delivery system, capable of penetrating US defence systems, delivering nuclear warheads and other numerous nuclear submarines while monitoring the U.S.


"The Russians are the ones who want war. We have to strike before they hit us. I say nuke 'em before they nuke us!" one exclaimed. Another neo-conservative, retired General, said war is too important to be left to politicians, "They have neither the time, training or the inclination for strategic thought. And the It's high time for a Pentagon coup to take over the U.S. government, from the black man in the White House and go to war."


Before we attack, the general, said the U.S. should have detailed plans for a post war scenario and was rambling on about the famous Dr.Strangelove plan, for post-nuclear war survival, involving living underground with a 20:1, female-to-male ratio.


"Why the hell are you people laughing at Dr. Strangelove and General Buck Turgidson, they make total sense to me. And I know Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld privately agree with me."


So what the hell, has all this got to do with Ireland, I hear you ask? Well what's above, is roughly how it all started, and the story finishes for me in Ireland, where two Irishmen, were minding their own business, cutting turf in a EU bog illegally, outside Tralee coincidentally enough, and the end went something along these lines, from what I heard! Now there's a few who still talk blarney so don't blame, I can't vouch for every detail of this story, as communications are down.


The Nuking of Shannon Airport


"Jaysus Seaneen, will you look at that !"

"What John Joe,"says Sean

Will ya look at that mushroom cloud over Shannon. Do ya see that mushroom cloud over there at Shannon Airport?

"Bejasus I do," says John Joe, "That must be one of them big magic mushrooms, that they've been on about."


"Right enough, I can taste something strange in my mouth and it feels like my body is slippin' away from me," says Sean


"Fuck it, Sean, I can feel it too, its like I'm floatin,' Holy fuck!."


Sean, a wee while later, "John Joe I see flower circles all over the bog and the turf is movin' with that breeze, that's coming in waves, over from Shannon, everything is movin. Can you see all them sods of turf flyin' around?'


My eyes are fucked Sean, everything is slow, I can't see right, when I look left and right everything is in slow motion and I feel feckin cat," says John Joe


Fuck me ! "My skin is comin' away in my hands when I touch my face, John Joe."


"I feel like I'm in the DTs after a feed of porter." These were reportedly, to be John Joe's last words.


Well that was the good part and I won't upset any sensitive souls with what followed but it wasn't nice at all, at all.


Well, that's roughly how it all ended for several million people in Ireland, except for a few Connemara people and myself, as I was luckily visiting, when the prevailing west winds from the Atlantic, blew the mushroom cloud all over Ireland, including the north.


Communication were down in Ireland after the event, so details were sketchy. The mushroom cloud drifted all the way over to the east coast to Dublin and up North, where it is reported, that every single Orangeman was nuked. Willie Frazier is reported to have kicked the bucket and died roarin' "No Surrender."Even Ian Paisley died, blaming the IRA and Rome, shoutin', "Unrepentant Fenian Bastards."


Oddly enough all the political prisoners interned, both in Maghaberry and Portlaoise survived, because of the small windows, it is said and got out because the screws were nuked. Some Republicans in South Armagh and Newry survived because of the Mourne mountains. Gerry Adams died in agony, still denying he was ever in the IRA, while McGuinness was roasted alive, blathering on about being Irish or some sort of lies about being a republican. Most of the Blueshirts departed, with their arses on fire.


Sadly one of my favourite Songs, Galway Bay had to be re-written for the Ireland, now turned into a wasteland:

If you ever go across the sea to Ireland,
then maybe at the closing of your day,
you won't sit and watch the moon rise over Claddagh,
Nor see the sun go down on Galway Bay.

Cannot hear again the ripple of the trout stream,
Nor women in the meadows making hay,
Nor sit beside a turf fire in a cabin,
or watch the barefoot gosoons as they play.

For the breezes blowing o'er the sea's from Ireland,
Are poisoned by nuked heather as they blow,
There's no women in the uplands diggin praties,
Speaking language that the strangers do not know.

For the Yankers came made Shannon Tinker Airbase
Changed beautiful Ireland into a wasteland

Gombeens traded Shannon Airport in disgrace

In greedy, greasy sell out hands   

.

And if there's going to be be a life hereafter,
And faith somehow I'm sure there's going to be,
I'll ask Spirit to let me make my Heaven,
In that dear land across the Irish sea.

So there ye have it, I hope it is all a delusional nightmare or just a bad dream. Mind you it did have its wee moments, I must be very sick or have a tropical fever or somethin'.